This is Reality
by caseyandvi
Summary: Gruesome dreams infest Jared's mind at night, everyone is concerned, but he denies everything. Back at home Gen doesn't know how to help, but with him in Vancouver Jensen does. This is Jensen and Jared's journey of their relationship with eachother throughout the filming of Season 8. WARNINGS: Slash, COMPLETE ficiton, possibly M rated material (later on). *not Sam and Dean*
1. Nightmares

_**Hey Guys! So heres Chapter one of our story. **_

_**Summary: Jared Padalecki is the same Jared Jensen has known for years. But somethings different. Jared starts to have nightmares and cant sleep at night. He eventually suffers from insomnia and Jensen helps him through it before things take a turn for the worst. Throughout the filming of season 8 emotions bloom...**_

_**Warnings: Slash, maybe explicit ratings later, and the occasional incorrect spelling of words :) **_

_**Disclaimer: As far as we know just abou 0% of our story is true! Oh yah and if the CW wants to give us the rights to Supernatural then we'd gladly take it, but until then the CW owns it all. AND REMEMBER PEOPLE, this is PURELY fiction.**_

_**If you lovie it let us know, if you hate it, well tell us in a constructive critisim way intead of being mean (haha)**_

_**- 3 Casey&Vi**_

The ceiling was just about the single most boring place to stare at in my trailer- all made of cheap material and the colors as dull as a rock, but for some reason I couldn't tear my eyes off of it. From across the room Jensen is watching me with slitted eyes and a concerned look.

"Jen, I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all." He obviously wasn't satisfied with that answer because that irritated look was still so clearly visible on his face. He stayed quiet and continued to watch me as I squirmed under his gaze. "Jared you look awful and Gen is worried...and so am I" he spoke with such a softness I found myself answering quickly before I could keep the words from escaping my mouth.

"I just haven't been sleeping." Jensen sighed and shook his head slowly stalking towards the bed I was currently occupying. He gingerly sat down next to my sprawled out body and rested a hand on my shin. It smiled softly at his gesture and whispered, " Don't worry, I'm fine."

Jensen sighed Again, without content, but continued to rest his hand on my shin giving me a silent comfort. I stopped squirming under his now gentle expression. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Jared and Jensen. Your wanted on set in five minutes." As if my leg was made of poison and was burning hot Jensen yanked his hand of my shin and quickly paced his way over to the door.

"Meet you on set man," was all he could force out of his mouth before briskly exiting my trailer with the slam of a door. No more than two minutes later I was all decked out in my 'Sam' attire and out the door.

The short golf cart ride to the outdoor set gave me enough time to try hopelessly to respond to one of my wife's text messages.

_Monday 3/13/13 6:00 PM_

GEN: Tommy says hi! (picture file attached)

_Tuesday 3/14/13 11:32 AM_

GEN: Jare? Is everything ok? ive been calling.

_Wednesday 3/15/13 9:13 PM_

GEN: Hey I saw you tweet about the episode. Are you mad at me?

_Friday 3/17/13 10:56 PM_

GEN: Im sending Jensen to talk to u, since u wont talk to me.

_Friday 3/17/13 11:17 PM_

YOU: I am _(Draft Deleted)_

Looking up from the un-finished text my eyes came into contact with Jensen and Bob sharing a hushed conversation, that was most likely about me. Yah it was, judging by the flicker of Bob's eyes in my general direction. This time the sigh escaped my lip's instead of Jensen's. I offered a small smile at the new makeup artist named Kelly, no her name is Katie, oh well. She gave a bright smile in return and followed me to my seat where she applied a light dust of _whatever you call this stuff _to my face.

After about the tenth time Bob called cut due to the awful acting on my part he shrugged on his heavier jacket and deemed it a wrap for the night. The cold walk back to the trailer was far from refreshing. I could make out the light on the back of the golf cart Jensen so happily left on without me, and I let out a grunt kicking the snow aimlessly.

Jensen was pissed to say the least. When I returned to the trailer my duffel was packed waiting for me, so I grabbed it and headed off the van where Jensen was impatiently tapping his foot on the ground. He slid inside the van and I followed quietly. The ride home had to have been the most silent ride Jensen and I have shared since, well ever.

The only companionship I received that night was Sadie's. Together we lied in bed and watched Saturday night live re-runs until Jensen came in my room without a knock and a phone in his hand. "Talk," he stated simply pressing his phone to my ear.

"Hello?" In the background I could hear the un-mistakable cry of my son. "Gen?"

Her voice never came back over the line, only the cry of Thomas I assumed was amplified over the baby monitor. I waited for her to set the tone of the conversation but when the blank noise continued I spoke, "I'm sorry babe. Its been a rough couple of days for me and I just... I couldn't seem to find anything to say."

"Jared, I'm your wife. We are supposed to be a team, you know you can tell me anything. I'm not mad that you didn't answer my calls, just that I had to call Bob and Jensen to find out your okay. That's not fair to me Jare," the last words came out barely audible

"I know I'm pretty shitty at this whole husband-father gig," I chuckled.

"No Jare you don't, you are amazing. Like you said its just been a rough couple of days for you," she yawned.

"You're tired. I'm gonna let you get some rest. I love you Genevieve."

"love you too Jared," she whispered before the line went dead. Jensen took his phone back and looked in my eyes to a point where I became squeamish.

"So are you going to tell me what's with your new found insomnia, or am I just going to have to call Kripke and make you tell him?" His tone was all to serious and my slight happiness dulled right back to a frown.

"Can we just talk in the morning, I'm actually gonna try and get some rest."

"Fine but if we don't talk about this tomorrow morning i'm gonna call rather him or your mama, Jared."

"Your bluffing!" I snorted at the mention of my mother's name.

Jensen pushed me over onto the mattress with one hand, then stood up smiling. "Try and get some sleep you idiot." As he walked out of my room he shut the lights off I smiled. The smile quickly turned to a frown as shut my eyes. I opened them again with a gasp when the gruesome images lit up in my mind.

_I was running through a dark forest. The vaguely familiar sound of snarling and barking dogs was traveling behind me becoming louder. A dim light shined on my face that was covered in dark crimson. I kept running from the unknown attacker; heavy puffs of air exiting my mouth and nose. _

_The creature started to approach faster and the noise grew louder. The crunching of dead leaves filled my eardrums 'crunch,crunch,crunch' . The air in my lungs became scarce as I could feel exhaustion falling over my body. I willed my eyes to stay open as they grew heavy. And just as I thought I had lost the horrendous, black-growling creature, a tree limb stretched out in front of me on the ground. 'THUNK' The sound of my body crashing to the earth sent an echo through the woods and suddenly the woods became eerily quiet. _

_My body lie motionless on the ground staring up at the ever so dark sky. The noise became evident almost as abruptly as it stopped when I hit the ground. My heart in my chest started to slow, and I tried with all of my will to get up, but my body felt heavy like a bag of sand on your chest. I shut my eyes trying viciously to wake up from this nightmare, when suddenly it went silent again. My eyes opened slowly as a something wet hit my face. I looked up only to terrifyingly find a foaming black snout of a monstrous dog only inches from my face. The dogs red eyes shined of blood, showing it's appetite that only begged for more blood no matter where it came from. The blood source at the moment was mine._

_I stared at my reflection in the dogs eyes seeing the sheer look of terror on my face. The dog started scratching at my limbs with its crooked brown claws tearing the skin off piece by piece. I was screaming and sobbing when I began to hear a voice and my body began to shake._

The dream faded and I slowly opened my eyes to see the source of the voice in my dream. Standing over me with a concern ridden face was Jensen. I blinked slowly at him my eyes glasslike from being brimmed with tears.

"Jared can you hear me? Are you okay?" spoke Jensen, the words sounded as though they had been amplified by a thousand speaker and I held my head in agony, cupping my ears

Jensen took the hint and sat on the edge of the bed like he did not to many hours ago. I started to stutter out short words trying to find something to say, but still too shaken up from the dream to put a coherent thought together. "Shhhh," Jensen soothed using the pad of his thumb to wipe away any stray tears from my face.

"Its okay Jared none of its real I swear," he whispered, "do you want me to call Gen?" I violently shook my head no and pulled the covers high up close to my mouth longing to feel safe. Jensen shooed my body towards the left side of the bed and climbed in to my right leaning against the head board.

"When your ready to talk I am right here Jay," he still spoke with the soft comforting voice as he pushed back some stray hairs that had fell into my eyes.

Every minute or so I would glance up at Jensen to make sure he was still there, all the while knowing I had the best friend a guy could ask for. " I...uhm, nightmare," was all I could get out of my mouth before ducking my lips back under the covers.

Jensen shook his head quietly and then spoke, " I know, your screaming woke me up, and I ran down here as fast as I could. Do you want to talk about it now or later?" '_No. I don't want to talk about it at all' _ I thought to myself.

Jensen had obviously realized this and repeated, "Now or later? Because either way you are gonna talk to me about this Jared."

For the next half hour I repeated my dreams in quiet mummbles and stutters while Jensen listened intently. Before I could stop myself, my eyes drifted shut back into dreamworld. Only no dreams came for the rest of the night.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and my stomach growling in anticipation. I slowly rolled out of bed and onto the floor, sliding my bare feet into my slippers, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I padded down the flight of stairs it took to get to the kitchen.

Jensen was wondering around the kitchen with music playing in the background, while bacon sizzled on the stove. He spoke in a hushed tone on the phone then turned around when floorboards creaked under my feet. Jensen mumbled a quick bye into the phone and hung up. "Hey I made breakfast, want any?"

"Yah sure," I spoke getting plates out of the cabinet and laying them next to the stove making it easier on Jensen. I rested a hand on his shoulder then pulled him into a tight hug whispering, "thank you." Jensen pulled back from the embrace gripping my shoulders tight, his eyes in slits like they always do when he is concerned, " I called Bob, I'm going in later for a couple shots, but you are going to take the day off and recover."

Suddenly angered I pushed him away roughly,"I don't need you to play my mother Jensen, and I certainly don't need to recover from a nightmare. Don't decide what I need and don't need. Last time I checked I'm a grown man and can make my own decisions," I glared at him and went to turn around when his hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

" I'm just looking out for you, since obviously your not doing that for yourself! So don't sit here and tell me your fine when you've been screaming in your sleep for weeks. You need help and if your not going to talk to me then I'll just call Jeff and have him tell you to get help, since you seem to listen to him!"

" Don't make this more dramatic then it needs to be Jensen," I accused lamely.

Jensen grunted in annoyance and quickly turning on heel to go get his phone that left on the counter barely a couple feet away. "I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you," I whispered nervously at him.

Jensen stopped in his path and slowly turned around to meet my gaze. " Tell me when your hurting Jared. I cant help you unless you tell me when your scared or in pain." I sighed not wanting to fight with him and nodded, Both of our heads turned simultaneously when my phone started buzzing from the charging dock. Swiftly, I walked over and answered the phone hearing Gen cooing at Thomas. "Hey Jay. Tommy misses his daddy and wants to come visit." Her cheery voice started to give me a headache at the moment.

" Uhm, you want to fly up? Ill be working so..." I felt guilty leaving her and Tom, but I didn't want her to see me like this. " That's okay. Tommy and I can find stuff to do in Vancouver." I had to come up with something to tell her and fast, " I'm gonna be filming a lot, only home a couple hours to sleep. Ill be home for hiatus soon though Gen." Her frown was evident even through the phone. "Oh, i'll just go visit Daneel or something."

I felt an ache in my heart from the guilt, "Im so sorry babe, but in a couple weeks ill be home and you and Tommy will have me all to yourselves." the cheer was back in her voice when she spoke, "I know, I was thinking maybe we could just take a short trip to the beach like 4 days..."

I zoned out halfway through her plans only to be interrupted by, "Jay? Does that sound good?" For all I she could have just planned my death over the phone but I responded with a, "Yah that sound perfect babe, I've gotta go though. I love you talk to you later." I waited for her to respond then hung up the phone.

Jensen looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. I shifted under his gaze. "I have to go in and shoot a couple scenes. You need to vacuum- it's your turn." I nodded at his request before questioning, "Why? were not having company are we?"

Jensen furrowed his brow and glanced at the calendar, "When I said I'd have you talk to Jeff, it wasn't just random. Jeff's been planning to come up for months Jay, especially after the divorce."

"Oh," was all I could manage. I stood their awkwardly as Jensen continued to stare at me. He gave me a silent nod and walked out of the kitchen leaving the food on the counter. I left it there suddenly not hungry and got out the vacuum cleaning in silence. A vibration broke the silence that came after the vacuum was shut off. I pulled the phone out of my pocket seeing a text on the screen.

_Saturday 3/18/13 11:09 AM_

Jeff: I know its Sat. But Jen said he was shooting anyways, but you are home. Come pic me up from the airport.

Without a response I slipped on my shoes...which happened to be my slippers, and got in the car driving to the Vancouver airport. I saw Jeff standing outside bundled in a jacket, complete with a beanie and readers glasses. He was on his phone with someone. I parked against the curb and got out to help him with his luggage. He hung up his phone and shared a warm smile with me. I threw on a matching-but fake smile and tossed his luggage in the trunk of the Escalade.

Jeff spoke for a few minutes just sharing stories with me, but then stopped and redirected the conversation, " You look absolutely awful Jared." I responded dryly, " Gee way to make a guy feel good about himself." I frowned and stayed silent driving down the highway. "Pull into that café, were gonna sit down and have a talk." I immediately did as Jeff asked not wanting to anger him.

We got looks from the people at the café, obviously not used to star power being inside of the small community coffee house. "You gonna tell me what's wrong kid?" He sipped his coffee somehow reeking intelligence and wisdom just by the way he held his cup.

"I...i'm just going to tell you the same thing I told Jensen. I cant sleep because I'm having nightmares." I spoke stubbornly. "Yah well unlike Jensen I'm not going to accept that shit answer Jared, and from what I heard, these nightmares are more like night terrors.:

I looked down into my coffee cup basically full of whipped cream. "Is your cup interesting Jared?" Jeff spoke with a thick layer of sarcasm staring at me with a knowing stare.

A few moments pass before I spoke, "Honestly Jeff...I don't know what these dreams are. Maybe anxiety? Maybe stress? I just don't have a clue, but they scare me. They feel too real...they hurt me." I looked back down into my cup embarrassed with my confession to my long time friend and blushed slightly, my cheeks becoming warm.

I could feel Jeff's gaze settle on me. I realized how uncomfortable I get when people who matter to me focus on me that much. I can handle the press, or even the millions of fans, but my self made 'family' of Jeff and Jensen...it's too much. I did the only thing I could think of at the moment no matter how immature it was, I waked out of the coffee house.


	2. Hero?

**_So here's Chapter two! We have a lot of readers but like 2 reviews so If you read would you please be kind enough to review? It's highly appreciated! The song at the end is I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. For disclaimers see chapter one. Thanks for reading and tell your other Supernatural obsessed friends to read our little fic. Be ready for some one shots by the two of its...possibly. Let us know if you like it. _**

**_-3 Casey&Vi_**

**_Here Goes.. _**

**Chapter 2:**

It was nice having Jeff in the house. Jared seemed less on edge with him around. Knowing Jeff he probably had slipped something into one of Jared's, now frequent, night caps. But besides the fact that Jared seemed a tad better with his company, it was nice to have someone who wasn't half asleep most of the time to talk to me. I left early this morning before Jeff or Jared woke up. We were far behind in filming, and i figured i'd get some of my scenes done even though it was a Saturday. I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard,

"Okay people thats a wrap, go enjoy the rest of your Saturday," The voice un-mistakably belonged to Bob. I took off the 'Dean' jacket and hung it on the wardrobe dummy. Katie the makeup artist walked me to her station to wipe off all the crap I had on my face that made me feel like a painted whore. We made small talk about her previous job, and about this season while she worked, but nothing more.

The makeup remover made the skin on my face feel stiff and nasty. I stood up from her high-chair and left after a quick good-bye to Katie. "Hey Jensen, over here!" I heard behind me. I slowly turned around, "Well, well, well if it isn't the boss man himself." I said jokingly. But Bob was serious right now, "Im really worried about Jared...whats wrong? What happened? Have you been letting him eat to much sugar at night, it looks like he hasn't slept?" he began.

I sighed and looked at him in the eye after dropping my smirk from his comment about sugar, "All he told me is that he hasn't been sleeping because these 'nightmares' that have been happening..." I shifted my eyes to the ground. I heard Bob give a loud and sad sigh. "I seriously think these 'nightmares' could be something worse. I've never seen Jared's mood so foul, he basically yelled at his assistant the other morning." Bob had a sad gleam to his eyes that looked almost like he was about to cry. I knew that Bob thought of us as sons, and now felt guilty that I let things get this bad.

"I want to talk to him...in person. So tomorrow, can you swing by with him so we can have a chat?". I agreed with a soldier like nod "I will." I turned back around and headed to the truck where our body guard Clif was waiting. "You okay boss?" he said with a slight frown. Before I could say yes I realized a few tears ran down my face. "Heck yea, i'm fine" I tried to respond enthusiastically, while wiping the tears from my face . "Jared still at home?" he asked. "Yea he didn't feel all that well today," I replied looking out the window. He cleared his throat "Are you okay?" I turned my head to look at him. "Of course, i'm just tired. Acting is hard work." I spoke the words sighing at the double meaning of how I had to act like I was alright, when I really am no. I took my phone out to text Jared.

SATURDAY 3/18/13 - 11:00 AM

ME: Jar, im coming home. Tell Jeff he dsnt need to cook. I gt takeout.

I put my phone back into my jacket pocket. Within a few minutes we were there. I carefully stepped out of the truck and waved Clif goodbye. I thought to my self 'I wonder if the moose man had driven Jeff crazy yet.' I chuckled at the nick name. Its cute that fans call Jared "moose". I knocked on the door, and almost immediately he answered. "Hey there buddy!" I said happily, not that my happiness was sincere.

Jared smiled...brightly...i felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders. "Want some coffee?" he asked. As i stepped inside i took in a big whiff of Colombian coffee. I looked around and everything was spotless. "You cleaned up big boy?" I said smart-assy. He turned around and brushed his hair back with his hands and smiled. "Yea. Like it?" "Heck yea I like it, considering i'm the only one who cleans around here," I answered then cleared my throat only to be interrupted by Jeff's call from the couch. "I helped! Don't let Jared convince you he did this on his own," he yelled laughing.

I rolled my eyes and continued, "So are you feeling better now?" "You know I really am and all thanks to you man." I felt his arms wrap around me like a blanket just out of the dryer, all static and clingy like. I hugged back, but not quite believing his claim. "I brought some crap from McDonalds" I said tossing the rumpled bag in his lap. I snorted as Jared tore the bag open quickly not bothering to reach in. "Cave man," I muttered. "Are you gonna film tomorrow Jare?" "Well considering its Sunday tomorrow, no i'm not," he said sarcastically.

"Yea...Have you called Gen?" I asked. "Um yea I told her i was okay and stuff ...nothing to serious." I got some paper towels and poured three cups of coffee and set them on the bar where he was sitting making sure to leave one of the coffee's completely black for Jeff. Jeff padded over to the bar and ruffled my hair, which brought me to an immediate glare. "Oh and Bob wants to talk to you tomorrow, when he asked about you he almost started to cry," I said still glaring at Jeff. "Really?Wow.." he said in an almost shocked tone, but ashamed at the same time. I turned around to meet his eyes. I looked at him seeing his blush of embarrassment. "Wanna watch the Rangers game?" he added when I didn't respond and held the remote out to me.

"When do I ever say no?" I said snatching the remote from him. I heard him chuckle and turn around to walk to the couch. We watched the game had a few more beers. We spent the rest of the day watching old movies and munching on junk food. Choosing o skip out on dinner was a good choice since we were all stuffed on Cheetos. Both Jared and I nearly fell asleep on the couch and decided to go to bed. Jeff was petting Bisou on the couch, and told us he still had a couple of phone calls to make, so both Jared and I nodded leaving him to it.

I woke up to the sound of footsteps in the hall. It was 2:30 AM, I jumped up from the bed and slowly turned the knob on my beedroom door. In the dark hallway I could make out Jared walking around and going downstairs. "Jare?" I asked, no answer. "Jare, Jared talk to me!" he didn't turn around, so I followed him to the kitchen. I tuned on the light and saw Jeff leaning against the stove with one finger pressed to his lips shushing me, "He's been doing this for hours, i've been keeping an eye on him." Jeff sipped his coffee casually.

I wanted to wake him up but I knew that was somehow dangerous. I stayed with him until around 4:50ish, letting Jeff go to sleep an hour prior. All he did was walk around and mumble. Finally he made his way back to his room and into his bed. Sighing deeply I followed suit and went to bed.

'HEEEEEAT OF THE MOMENT' my alarm blared into my ear. It was 6:30 and time to film. Jare put that as my alarm cause...well I don't know why, but it's funny as hell. I step out my room, and headed to the large shower calling my name. In the shower i ran my hands over my face trying to wipe the exhaustion away ...it didn't work...Once I got out and changed I made my way down the stairs. I heard Jared stomping his way around the kitchen making a cup of coffee. "Morning goldie-locks," I said toweling off my hair as I walked into the kitchen myself.

He looked up looking like a complete wreck, and didn't respond. "Hey, Jare. Are you okay?" he just stood there. "Dude! You with me?" he looked up and said "Yea, im fine just a bit sore, and tired." Then it clicked. "I know why." he looked at me like I was a freak "Ummm and you know that because?" he said in a bitchy tone. "You were sleep walking last night"

"What? Jen that's ridiculous, I don't sleep walk," he said offended.

"Well last night you did! You were walking around and mumbling weird crap," I said matter of factly.

"Like what?" he asked like if he was hiding something. "I dont know, you were mumbling! Anyway hit the shower and get dressed Clif is coming for us." He finished his coffee and left for the shower. I was waching the news when Clif pulled up. "Jare! Comon Clif is here!" "Coming!" he shouted. "Why are you taking so damn long?" "Hey! This hair needs perfection!" he smiled. "Lets go ya idiot" I grabbed my jacket and locked the door behind me.

Once at the studio Bob immediatly called Jared in for their 'talk'. I wanted to go too but Bob told me to say. The set was empty on Sundays, but then I saw a black Escalade pull up, and Misha getting out. "Hey dude what are you doing here?" I said loud enough for him to hear me. Misha stalked his way over to me and smiled, " Bob told me to stop by to renew my contract...apparently Kripke's gonna be here later today."

"God I hope i'm gone before he shows up, he's still mad at me for that time the tabloids caught me drunk," I chuckled. Misha snorted with laughter and slapped my back happily, "Why are you here, isn't Jeff in town?" I nodded, " Yah he is, but Jared needed to come see Bob this morning which means I had to come. You know he's like a teenager...by that I mean you can't trust him to get up on his own." I snorted thinking of the countless amount of times Jared had been late because he slept in too long.

As finished my thought Misha's phone rang. "Hey dude, I gotta take this I'll see you bright and early on set tomorrow," he spoke. I nodded silently and walked outside the trailer that functioned as Bob's temporary office. The door slowly swung open to reveal a teary eyed and sniffling Jared. He pushed the stray hairs out of his face and pushed his hands in his pockets sheepishly. "Let's get home buddy," I whispered and pushed the small of his back so he'd start walking. Jared grunted, "I'm not invalid Jensen." Rolling my eyes I stepped away from him and walked back to the car.

Jared followed suit and climbed in the other side. After driving in silence for a few minutes Jared smashe his giant hands against the dashboard and said rather loudly, " I don't need therapy!" Startled I swerved the car slightly then straightened out only to pull into a parking lot seconds later. "Shhh, Jare no one said you had to go to therapy," I soothed. Jared's tightly knit eyebrows relaxed as he whined, "Bob said I had to if I couldn't pull my act together." I rolled my eyes, " And he's right, stop acting petulant." I looked at him with an almost John Winchester-esqu stare and Jared's childish pout turned in to a glare.

"Listen Jared if you don't want to end up in therapy your going to have to let me...or someone else help you," I sighed. Jared's eyes met mine and he bit his lip nervously, "Jen... Please, I need your help. I...I can't do this anymore." I watched as a crystal like tear silently slipped out of Jared's eye. "I can't sleep, or eat, or concentrate," he sniffled, "I can't take it anymore Jen." His eyes were red from rubbing the stray tears away, but suddenly the tears started to pour down his face.

The anger and frustration no longer clouded my mind. I hated seeing the only person who would always stand up for me and be there for me...my rock...cry. Seeing Jared cry like this was the closest my heart has come to breaking in long time. The normally happy and caring man sobbing loudly felt like needles in my now injured heart.

"Jay" I lulled softly, " It'll be okay we will get through this...together." My words seemed to quiet his sobs slightly. He laid his head on my shoulder. I ran one of my shaky hands through his hair again we sat in silence. When his sobs started to return loudly again my head went into panic mode again, "Hey, hey,hey " I started quickly, lifting his chin up so his teary and slightly snotty face looked up at me. "Look at me bud, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, okay?"

I searched Jared's face for any sign of understanding, when I looked in his eyes all I found was pain. What I didn't expect was Jared to speak in a voice that sounded like he swallowed gravel yet hushed at the same time, "Promise?"

I nodded, "Yah Jay I promise." Jared's eyes still showed skepticism, and not going to lie...it hurt...like hell. " I will stay with you every night and tell you my most embarrassing fuckin' stories when things become to much if that's what it takes."

As bad as it sounds I suddenly found the whole situation ridiculous. I mean they're only nightmares?

I couldn't stop myself from asking, " Jay are the nightmares really that bad? How long have they been going on?" If looks could kill I would be 10 feet under just about now. " 3 months... I watch my family get killed every night. Can you imagine watching your family die right in front of you. Your wife and kid dying sickening deaths every night, and you just having to watch?" His face grew more red and he let out a small hiccup from all the crying.

"You wonder why I don't eat or sleep... Or even talk!" What started out as a whisper and plea for help, turned into a yell. His face was strained and lined with murkey ocean colored veins against his now clammy white tinted skin from very little nourishment and not enough water. "How can you even ask me if they're bad you selfish bastard!" He screamed and I suddenly turned pale like a ghost.

How?" He repeated loudly. Stuttering I answered, "I-I-I don't know." Jared's red puffy eyes swelled with tears again. "How?" This time he was sobbing once again. Sighing as he put his head back on my shoulder I whispered quiet, "I'm sorry's." Jared pulled back from my shoulder and put his head in his hands. I watched him like that for awhile, and decided at home would be a better place for him to be then the parking lot of some hole in the wall restaurant.

I un-buckled my seat belt and reached across the cup holders to embrace him in a tight hug. "Let's get you home okay?" I whispered for the second time today almost un-audibly so not to startle him or make him more upset. Jared nodded silently and I returned to my seat quickly slinging our car out of the parking lot. When we got closer to the house Jared rested his head against my shoulder and I flicked on the radio playing his soft rock station quietly.

I chuckled silently to myself hearing Jared sniffle knowing I'd have to wash this shirt as soon as we got home. It wouldn't do enough justice to say he was a snotty crier...he was beyond that. We drove through the familiar streets, the whole time with my one hand on the wheel and the other rested on Jared's knee. In the background music played-

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

**_Then I'll follow you into the dark._**


End file.
